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Author Topic: The Panacriph  (Read 5899 times)
Raforever
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« Reply #15 on: July 11, 2005, 12:21:58 AM »

I`m not much of a reader but that prologe(sp?) sure caught my attention  Shocked

*throws the story into Word and prints it out*  cheesy  
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Silverbolt
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« Reply #16 on: July 11, 2005, 08:00:56 AM »

More to follow. I'm writing some more today.
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Raforever
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« Reply #17 on: July 11, 2005, 07:26:43 PM »

how many books is it anywho?
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Silverbolt
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« Reply #18 on: July 11, 2005, 07:39:07 PM »

I use the term "book" only to define a division larger than the "part". Like Tolkien and Clavell did. So, this Story has three books. And will have a few sequels  Cheesy  
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Raforever
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« Reply #19 on: July 11, 2005, 07:46:55 PM »

I also noticed that the chapters seem to get longer and longer XD

btw I DID read it yesterday and it IS pretty good. It´s not better because i haven´t seen the ending  Cheesy

For some odd reason i thought of building it into a game with RPGMaker  rolleyes  
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Silverbolt
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« Reply #20 on: July 11, 2005, 07:48:42 PM »

You're not the only one... cheesy

Though I only thought of making it a game, rather than using RPGMaker which I have no idea what it is.
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One day I will bring peace to the world with my invincible Army of Mice

Raforever
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« Reply #21 on: July 11, 2005, 07:52:27 PM »

never heard of RPGMaker 2000, 2k3 (2003) or XP?

It´s a some what simple engine yet powerful enough to make some interresting games  cool

the only problem is having the time and not being lazy to make it  Wink
(and i refer to myself here)
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Silverbolt
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« Reply #22 on: July 11, 2005, 07:55:08 PM »

Lol, I am trying to overcome my lazyness, momentarily...

Ah, I made the paladins all QFG-ish...ah well. I'm posting tomorrow.
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« Reply #23 on: July 11, 2005, 07:57:51 PM »

and lazyness strikes again XD
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Silverbolt
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« Reply #24 on: July 25, 2005, 08:18:44 PM »

BOOK TWO: SEARCH FOR THE ELEMENTS

PART ONE: FIRE

CHAPTER ONE: Graduation

…and on he ran. He was tired and tried to stop. He couldn’t. His feet carried him forward against his will. Fire, Earth, Water, Air. Through mountains and forests and over the abyss. Through icy wastelands and swampy lands, he ran. Victory was near. Betrayal. A fall. He ran away. Many died, many fought, he carried on. And darkness engulfed the earth. Arhyld awoke. His heart was pounding like a drum. He got up from his bed in the barracks and walked to the window. It was sunrise. He picked up his sword that was sheathed beside the bed and caught a glimpse of himself in the blade. He had grown in the past year. His face was more mature and he looked stronger. He remembered the days spent at the Academy. Derron always told him: “You are a soldier, so you must know discipline and you are a knight, so you must know battle, but first of all, you are a paladin and therefore you must know honor.”
He had learned several disciplines. Derron had instructed him in swordfighting and had taught him how to properly parry a blow, how to strike the opponent and how to keep his balance while doing so. The General Kaldor himself had been Arhyld’s instructor in the arts of war and strategy. As Derron had said, Kaldor was a formidable teacher and a great warrior. However, greed and lust for power had corrupted him. Arhyld tried his best to remain unnoticed during his classes and Derron saw to it that Arhyld, as well as all of the others that were going to become Paladins of the Dawn, stood clear of the general and that he had no direct power over them. Arhyld’s favorite instructor, however, was Atreon. Atreon was an old retired Paladin that had been charged with teaching Arhyld geography, history, politics and the secrets of the Paladins of Dawn. After the war against Chaos, people of Artana left. Artana had been the Nexus of creation and many new lands had formed beyond it. The Continent was circular in shape, but the Endless Ocean around it had shaped the western side in the likeness of two claws almost closing a bit of the sea from the north and south, hence the name “The Claw Sea”. The Northern and Southern Claws were the size of Artana. If it weren’t for the Claw Sea between them, Artana would have retained its perfectly circular shape. The Endless Ocean was impossible to navigate due to the fierce storms and therefore it was not known whether or not other lands existed beyond the Continent. The Capital City of Valdar occupied the northwestern corner of Artana, being bounded by the Valdar Gulf to the North. Across the Valdar Gulf lay the Northern Claw, where the Men’s Kingdom of Haldran was placed. A large Lighthouse had been built at the tip of the Claw. Arhyld had been told that greater cities even than Valdar had been build in Haldran. The northeast of Artana was a desert named Gor’Tul, which was where the orcs that had captured Arhyld lived. Gor’Tul was nothing more than a small part of Gor’Nak – A giant desert in the northeast of the Continent. The icy lands of Wintercrag spread forward into a country called Tegar. Atreon told Arhyld that fierce warrior tribes inhabited the cold lands. The southwest housed the region called Hagmarsh. A large swamp that stretched beyond Artana into a larger swamp and jungle. Those lands were called Shal’Kar. Little was known about this strange country in the Southern Claw. At the tip of the claw, across the sea from the Lighthouse in Haldran, lay an outpost human city. At Derron’s command, Atreon also told Arhyld of the four lands where the Elemental Mages found their doom. The northern part of the Continent were covered by the elven forest country of Deltherwood, forests that entered Artana from the north and formed the Woods of Ter. Ter mound, where the Earth Mage had been buried alive, was said to be in the heart of the forest. The southern side of the Continent was a massive mountain chain. The dwarven lands of Dranthermond could be found there, where they mined their precious metals. The mountains stretched from the South of the Continent to the very edge of Artana. The South of Artana was home to the Ash Mountains around Mount Pyr, the very volcano where the Fire Mage had perished. The port town of Frin’J had been build in the west of the country. A ship was said to have carried the Water Mage to the west and there, in the middle of the Claw Sea, he had been thrown overboard. As to the east of Artana, that was a mystery. From atop of Athmos Peak, the Air Mage had been thrown into the Abyss, where the fierce winds had torn him to pieces. The curious part was the nature of the Abyss. It was said to be bottomless. If one would look down from the edge, he would see nothing but darkness down below. The peak of Athmos was, strangely enough, floating in the air on a large piece of land. The only way across the Abyss and past the peak into the land of Ithar was a series of wooden bridges across the Abyss, starting from the tower of Hawkflame. The near inaccessibility, along with the fear of the Abyss most people seemed to have, made Hawkflame and the floating country of Ithar a favorite of Mages.
There was no specific time in which a Paladin could be trained. It depended on the recruit. All the teachers told Arhyld that he was a quick learner, and thus his training had finished after only one year. Today was his graduation day. Arhyld had not expected a big ceremony, nor did he get one. Just Atreon and Derron giving him advice and a pat on the back. Arhyld refused the full plate mail customary to the Paladins and chose to stick to his own equipment. Derron approached him.

“Listen closely, Arhyld…my duty as Guardian forbids me to help you in your quest. I can only give you this bit of advice: search the Mages’ death places and begin your quest at the “Weary Wanderer”. Join a band of adventurers. You’ll be safe with them.”

Arhyld looked at Derron and nodded.

“Thank you, Derron…I will heed your advice.”

“Also, you would do best to wear this ring. It will identify you as a Paladin of Dawn. Be careful to whom you show it, though. Not all people like our Order. Also, I can tell you that the secrets of the Paladin are many, but you must discover them by yourself…and Arhyld…be careful whom you trust. May Vall give you strength.”

“I will, Derron. I shall see you soon. If I need advice, I’ll look for you at the garrison in Shade. Goodbye.”

Arhyld turned his back on the barracks and walked forward through the morning mists. He felt better. No longer the weak little boy, but a Paladin of Dawn. With a smile, he picked up his pace and started towards the gates of Valdar.
 
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aragorn256
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« Reply #25 on: July 26, 2005, 09:14:16 PM »

Very interesting and quite good indeed. A little more detail and it will be great. I have also shown all but the last book(2) to my linguistics friend and he told me you have some talent and with practice you could go proffesional.
I just tell you this, I'm not suggesting anything
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Μολλών Λαβέ -If you dare come and get them -King Leonidas of Lacedaimona
Silverbolt
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« Reply #26 on: July 27, 2005, 07:38:55 AM »

Thanks. (You liked it because it has Paladins, right  cheesy ? Paladins rock!)

First off, I know it could be a bit more descriptive. You see, I am writing this as a sketch. When I'm done, I'll add to it, make descriptions of characters and stuff. Right now, I'm just setting up the story. As for going professional...heh, thought about it.

Though I don't know how many American publishers would go for it, and I can't publish it here...stupid Romanians, wouldn't know the first thing about fantasy...
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One day I will bring peace to the world with my invincible Army of Mice

aragorn256
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« Reply #27 on: July 27, 2005, 07:46:27 AM »

I know the feeling...The local bookshop here in Faliro does not bring any fantasy books because.....they are Devil's Work wacko .........(!x10000)

Yes, Paladins do rock and that's a reason I liked it even more. But It's not myself only who consider it to be good. So,Keep it up!
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Μολλών Λαβέ -If you dare come and get them -King Leonidas of Lacedaimona
Silverbolt
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« Reply #28 on: July 27, 2005, 07:55:47 AM »

I will, I will. I think I'll write the next chapter today.
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One day I will bring peace to the world with my invincible Army of Mice

aragorn256
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« Reply #29 on: July 27, 2005, 07:59:21 AM »

That would be great if you could. Tomorrow the academy will pack the Pcs and on Friday I'll be  on leave, so it could be quite a time untill I return here.
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Μολλών Λαβέ -If you dare come and get them -King Leonidas of Lacedaimona
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