Hero6 Forums

YOU CAN TUNE A PIANO BUT YOU CAN'T TUNA FISH! :D

.........Tough crowd.
Why didn't the tomato win the race?
He just couldn't ketchup! :lol:
.......Don't make me break my promise. <_<  

What's a mime's favourite punchline? "".

Alright, you've forced me into this.
Whats the difference between a duck?

Somebody lock Jafar up and throw away the key please! :angry:  

Er...Gatta run! *flies away*

Quack quack...

OC, weren't you able to summon bizzare duck suits?

Yes, but I gave that up. No more duck suits for me, nosiree.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
I dunno, why don't you ask that fox that just went into the chicken coop.

Oh i got one, it isnt funny tho.

Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because the chicken left for a vacation in florida.

sorry, i am not in one of those hyper-jokey moods.

There once was a peasant who had two chickens; but on a fateful day one of them fell ill. So he killed the other to make chicken soup for the sick bird.

(http://members.lycos.nl/rustedpipe/smileys/duck.gif)
One of the legs are both the same!

I seriously don't get that joke.

*polymorphs Jafar for telling that joke countless number of times*

*Jafar is now a rat*

OH...OH.. i found a funny one.

Blonde Joke
A Blonde Goes On Who Wants To Be A Millionaire
Regis: "Barbara, you've done very well so far - $500,000 and one lifeline left -- phone a friend.

The next question will give you the top prize of One Million dollars if you get it right ... but if you get it wrong you will drop back to $32,000 -- are you ready?"

Barbara: "Sure, I'll have a go!"

Regis: "Which of the following birds does not build it's own nest?

Is it........

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush

Remember Barbara its worth 1 Million dollars."

"I think I know who it..but I'm not 100%...

No, I haven't got a clue. I'd like to phone a friend Regis, just to be sure.

Regis: "Yes, who, Barbara, do you want to phone?

Barbara: "I'll phone my friend Maggie back home in Birmingham."

(ringing)

Maggie (also a blonde): "Hello..."

Regis: "Hello Maggie, its Regis here from Who Wants to be a Millionaire-I have Barbara here and she is doing really well on $500,000, but needs your help to be a Million.

The next voice you hear will be Barbara's and she'll read you the question.

There are 4 possible answers and 1 correct answer and you have 30 seconds to answer -- fire away Barbara."

Barbara: "Maggie, which of the following birds does not build it's own nest? Is it:

A-Robin

B-Sparrow

C-Cuckoo

D-Thrush"

Maggie: "Oh Gees, Barbara that's simple.....It's a Cuckoo."

Barbara: "You think?"

Maggie: "I'm sure."

Barbara: " Thanks Maggie." (hangs up)

Regis: "Well, do you want to stick on $500,000 or play on for the Million, Barbara?"

Barbara: "I want to play, I'll go with C-Cuckoo"

Regis: "Is that your final answer?"

Barbara: "It is."

Regis: "Are you confident?"

Barbara: "Yes fairly, Maggie's a sound bet."

Regis: "Barbara.....you had $500,000 and you said C-Cuckoo ...you're right! - You have just won ONE MILLION DOLLARS.

Here is your check. You have been a great contestant and a real gambler. Audience please put your hands together for Barbara."

(clapping)

That night Barbara calls round to Maggie and brings her down to a local bar for a celebration drink and, as they are sipping their Champagne, Barbara turns to Maggie and asks "Tell me Maggie, How in God's name did you know that it was the Cuckoo that does not build its own nest?

Maggie: "Listen Barbara, everybody knows that a Cuckoo lives in a clock."
 
 

That's a pretty long Blonde joke.

I found this (qfg related).

Humorous Potion Page (http://www.soundssublime.com/Cannot%20find%20potions%20-%20QfG%20Code%20Explorer/Cannot%20find%20potions.htm)

*thinks* if only there was a way to solve error 52!

Hmm, that was posted on HTBAH a short while ago, wasn't it?

Alright, alright, I'll never tell that joke again!

That is so cute and yet so true!

By the way, there is a way to solve Error 52. You can get the patch here. http://www.happy-land.ca/sierra/ (http://www.happy-land.ca/sierra/)

(To Jafar) Alright. *dispels magic*

Thanks. I may crack a lot of jokes but that form was too unfamilar.*RIMSHOT*

oooo, thank you. I was finding a way to fight the chernovies! TYTYTYTY! :D  

You're welcome.

I still prefer Dosbox. I just found out the right amount of speed tweaks you need to run Jazz Jackrabbit properly. :)  

I prefer an older Win 98 computer that'll run it properly.

With Awe 64 Soundblaster, too.

Because this Microsoft Midi crap is, well, crap.

:( QFG4 Epilogue has never sounded so poorly. *siiiigh*

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was too far to fly!

I see! said the blind man, as he picked up his hammer and saw.

I can't remember how many years it's been since I've played Jazz Jackrabbit  :lol:  

Clever indeed.
He who jests first laughs last, and he who laughs first jests best, and if all the group is three in number, is this possible?

Eh, could be possible with only one person as far as I can see. If they're mad enough to tell themself jokes...

'sides, that's a riddle, not a joke.

Maybe we could start a separate thread for riddles :D

Sounds good. I always liked riddles.

Heh, this isn't exactly a joke, but since Jafar brought up the force in the Lord of Something thread - I present to you a few quotes from Thumb Wars

Loke: "I'm going to trust my feelings and use the power of the thumb."

Oobedoob's spirit: "Use the instrument panel, Loke.  ...  The instrument panel.  That's what it's there for.  Advanced weaponry designed to hit tiny targets."

Princess Bunhead: "You'll never get away with this, Black Helmet Man.  You are bad.  You are bad, and we are good.  Your badness will be the end of you and our goodness will be our triumph.  Bad is bad, good is good.  Bad, bad, good, bad.  Good, good, bad, good, bad, good."

(http://members.fortunecity.com/tiberius55/sw.htm)

 :wacko:  

Kirk: "You're suffering from a Vulcan mind-meld, doctor."  
McCoy: "That green-blooded son of a *censored*! It's his revenge for all the arguments he lost."

Saavik: "He's never what I expect, sir."  
Spock: "What surprises you, Lieutenant?"  
Saavik: "He's so - human."  
Spock: "Nobody's perfect, Saavik."

*pushes up glasses, keeps typing...*

Spock: "There is the old Vulcan proverb: only Nixon could go to China."

Spock: "Mr. Scott, I understand you are experiencing difficulties with the warp engines?"  
Scott: "There's nothing wrong with the bloody -"  
Spock: "Mr. Scott, if the Enterprise responds to hails and returns to Starbase, there is a good chance that we will never see Captain Kirk or Doctor McCoy alive again."  
Scott: "Could take weeks, sir..."

Dr. Crusher: "So much for the Enterprise-E."  
Picard: "We barely knew her."  
Dr. Crusher: "Do you think they'll make another one?"  
Picard: "Plenty of letters left in the alphabet."

Data: "... for a time, I was tempted by her offer."  
Picard: "How long a time?"  
Data: "0.68 seconds sir. For an android, that is nearly an eternity."

Had to do it. I *had* to do it. I am a nerd after all.

what tastes better, an earth rock or a moon rock? a moon rock because theyre a little meteor....



AllGood 2004 lives on!

Reminds me of another silly space joke.

If a space rock that hits a planet is called a Meteorite, what do you call a space rock that misses?

A Meteowrong! :P

Hahaha... That's clever.

Q: What do you give a seasick elephant?
A: Lots of room.

Q: Why do elephants have trunks?
A: Because they would look silly with glove compartments.

Q: How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A: Take away his credit card.

Q:How do you know if theres an elephant under the bed?
A:Your nose is touching the ceiling.

Seeing double?

Oops, guess I wasn't thinking.

Seeing double, yes you are!

Am not. Get out of my sight KLK. Both of you! :blink:  

*Kailkay walks in, characteristically eating from a bag of popcorn*

PresentKailkay: Damnit, Jafar, you broke space and time again!
FutureKailkay: Space? How'd he break space?
PresentKailkay: Well, I'm fat, but I'm not *that* fat!
FutureKailkay: Why you little...!

*Fight commences!*

*offers around a bag of popcorn* hey, free entertainment!

Punch! Kick! Slap! Hair pull! Finger-nail Scratch!
 

Ooh! Fight fight fight!

*eats popcorn*

Kailkay!
Both: What?
Use your staff!
*DOUBLE BONK*

I love doing that. B)  

*teleports away for a moment and returns with a sixpack of cola* tooth decay anyone?

No thank you. These softdrinks can cause brittle bones too, and I love my bones too much to see them rot over time.

Well... maybe just a sip will do! A sip won't hurt, right?

Where's your sense of willpower, man?

Yes!

No!

Yes!

No!

Yes!

No-Argh!  :blink:

Me confused!

*There is the fresh 'clk - tssss' sound of a can being opened, then the gentle bubbling noise of cola being poured into a paper cup.*

Aaah. Sure you don't want any? *offers a spare cup*

Thanks!

*takes cup hastily*

*a small red person with horns, a tail and a teeny, tiny pitchfork appears with a small 'pop' on Swift's shoulder*

Looks like evil won over.

FutureKailkay: Not yet you haven't!

PresentKailkay: What...? You're calling me evil?! I'll smack you'round, crazy little...

FutureKailkay: Oh yea?!

Jafar: Kailkay! Use your staff!

*DOUBLE BONK!*

Jafar: Chortle...

No thanks. On second thought...
Yes.
No.
Yes.
Help! Its got me too!

*still holding cup in hand*

To drink or not to drink? That is the question. <_<  :rolleyes:

Drink!
Don't!
Drink!
Don't!
Argh! Help me! :(  

PresentKailkay: Yes.
FutureKailkay: No!
PresentKailkay: Yes!
FutureKailkay: No!
PresentKailkay: Yes!

Uh oh... seems there's a similar dilemma afoot!

And I can't spell... Dil... emma.

*Jafar continues the struggle against his Dark sid-*
Wait a minute. My Dark side?
*Turns around and sees...*
OH NO! Its DARK JAFAR! And hes drinking SODA! :o
*Draws his sword, DJ does the same*
*Jafar's fairy flies over to his double*
Fairy: Watch out! *L-targets him*

*Dark OC arrives on the scene and sits next to OC to watch the fight. OC offers him some cola*

Dark OC: Hey, thanks. Why are all these people fighting here?
OC: Dunno.

*they lift their cups simultaneously and watch the emerging fights...*

*Jafar easily defeats his Dark Side, no thanks to his Fairy*
What kind of advice was that? "Conquer yourself". Bah! <_<
Fairy: I thought it sounded cool.
Well, this just goes to show that no foe can resist the power of the MEGATON HAMMER! [BA DA DA DAAA!]
 

*Bierhoff wanders in* heya, what up?
*pulls a waterskin from his back pocket and takes a swig*

Oh hi LB! I need help!

Do I drink this soft drink or not? I can't decide!

soft drinks? no thanks, here have a real drink *offers his waterskin*

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

*puts away cup and quickly takes the waterskin from LB*

*drinks it all up*

hey now, careful with that, milady, 'tis stronger than your regular ale, and one might say that's the original bottomless cup  ;)  

*stops drinking*

Really? *hic*

*examines waterskin*

Hee! It's so full! I feel full! *hic* Hee! Tralalalalala. *hic*

*shakes head*

*balances on one leg*

I'm flying, LB! I'm fly- *hic* flying! Hehehe! *hic*

aye, one might say you are.
here drink this *pulls a pint of water out ot his right knee pocket*

*takes pint of water and drinks it*

here have another *pulls out another pint of water*
hopefully this'll help your head tomorrow

Uh..I think you've had enough drinks for the day. *Tries to get Swift to sit down*

*pulls a chair over for Swift*

*looks at Swift*

Yegads! This requires urgent medicinal attention!

*translocates away and appears a few moments later with an IV line*

Ok, hmm, now, er, yes ... where do you stick this thing? *looks doubtfully at the drip needle* :unsure:

In Swift?
here Swifty Swifty Swifty, dunno worry dis won't hurt abit

Nooooo... *hic* no needles! *hic* *hic* Stop trying to *hic* poison me! *hic*

Its not poison, its....chocolate! Yeah, thats it. Chocolate.

Noo! *hic* Chocolate doesn't *hic* come in *hic* needles! No needles!

I hate to do this, but...Look Behind you! A Three-headed Monkey!

Dun bluff me! *hic* Got three-headed monkey behind you! *hic*

*pulls a three-headed monkey out of his back pocket and tosses it behind Swift*
no, seriously, there's a three-headed monkey behind you

There is? *turns around*

*tosses another three-headed monkey behind Jafar*
yep

*Jafar remembers an ad in the paper, the zoo was willing to pay a million dollars for a Three-Headed Monkey...*
*Takes his monkey-catching net*
Heeere monkey. Nice monkey. $_$

*watches Jafar sneak up to the monkey*

...problem with hunting three headed monkeys is, they've got three pairs of eyes. Not easy to catch...

In the meantime though *offers Swift a bar of Klatchian Coffee Chocolate* have some of this, it should reduce the effects of the alcohol. Just don't eat it too quickly or you'll become Knurd...

*reaches into both back pockets and pulls out a pair of four-headed monkeys*
 :huh:  how did those get back there?
Hey Jafar! hurrey and catch that guy and we'll pay the zoo a little visit

Chocolate!

*snatches some and eats*

*hic*

Don't it it so quickly! :blink: That's Klatchian coffee, that is. Where normal coffee can sober you up after a beer, Klatchian coffee can sober you up when you've got naught but alcohol running in your veins.

*Jafar chases the THM*
GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE SNEAK!
*The THM Stops at the edge of a cliff, Jafar runs past him by mistake*
Monkey:Meep Meep! :P
*Jafar Falls off the looooong cliff*
~KAPOW~

:rolleyes:
*whines* Jaaaaaa-Faaaaaar, how are we going to make millions if you keep goofing around like that?

Hmm... this is good stuff. Hey! No more hiccups!  :D

Thanks.

Lets try using ACME products to trap him. They're the best in the business.

alright, sounds like fun

*Yiipeee' rides past on an ACME rocket chasing a THM with road runner abilities*

this is sure to work.
it's heading into that cave over there

*Smashes into the painted cave wall that the THM just ran through*

Im alright ppl Im alright, this ACME pain killer should help.

I've got a better idea. Lets sue Acme. *Evil Grin*

Ouch good idea that wasn't pain killer that was pain enhancer.

:D that ACME stuff is always rubbish. EMCA's much better.

EMCA???

EMCA B)  the anti-ACME.

do they make anti-backpack vacs?  What those do? blow dust everywhere?

Yea. That and wreck space and time.

I present to you... The portable blue hole. It isn't any special level of density... No no no... You see, it is merely a space of *no* exhistance. Space and time itself ceases to exist within one. Moving into a blue hole will not destroy yourself, it won't do anything. You won't grow any older. Time won't pass for you. Time will literally stop.

Think about it, friends... Think of the advantages! Immortality! At will, you could freeze time around yourself and go into almost a stasis type thing. Give yourself time to think through anything! How great that would be!

Thankfully, only I am knowledgable as per how to create these wonderful little devices.

*Gets brainwashed by the sales pitch*
Duhh...how much do you want? @_@

a backpack vacs sells for a mere 99.99.  That's right, all this encredible value for a mere 99.99

Can I buy one?   :D  

How much for the blue hole attachment?

:huh: Huh? What happened? All I remember is some salesman and a--
Wait a sec. MY MONEY'S GONE! I've been ROBBED! :angry:  

*pokes the blue hole* hmm, that seems a bit unripe. Don't you have any black holes?

And ... if it freezes time, how can you think in it? :rolleyes:

see, yet another one of the great advantages of the backpack vac, it allows time to progress at is normal rate.  In fact it may even speed time up, because as we all know, 'time flies when you're having fun' and what could be funner than vacuuming?

Watching a guy with an apron doing the vacuuming ;)

Now that would be funny.

having recently survived a blue hole incident i can explain how one works, well it was a plot hole but the important thing is it was blue.

You see if time and space doesn't exist within a blue hole then the singularity must exist everytime and everywhere therefore entering one will cause you to exist everytime and everywhere. In theory you would enter one and everything you need to do would have happend when you leave like when you skip to the next scene in movie knowing that something hppened in between but it doesn't matter your at the good part now.

Like how we used one to catch KLK and make him tell us his plan.

too much trouble to  catch him the normal way, eh?

How do you catch someone the normal way? Define "normal".

You can't catch someone the normal way if they arn't normal  

After all this, I'm starting to question OUR normalness. :mellow:  

You're normal, Jafar?  I know I'm certainly not  :rolleyes:  

:D 'normal' is just another of saying 'boring'. Teehee! HAaahaaa! *insane cackle*

I can think of only one normal person in the world, and that's myself.

Prove it!

I can't, no one else in the world would agree with me.

Which world maybe you should ask the people over there in the normal world.

Well, I'm happy to admit that I'm not normal and there's nobody out there like me   ;)  

:huh: You are unique, just like everybody else.

Look at all those good little droids, all standing in a row:
 :huh:  :huh:  :huh:  :huh:  :huh:  :huh:

Normal? they're not normal, they just think they are.

But, cogito ergo sum, no? Which is why I think I am a billionaire. *checks account* dang. Maybe it's the bank that needs to think I'm a billionaire?

their computer at least.

Good point. *pulls out ye olde hacking laptop* here goes nuttin'...

*sirens  and yelling are heard from outside*

"this is the police. Put the laptop down and come out with your hands up!"

Lol, thanks OC  :P  

Since when do the police employ dragons? <_<

since they ran out of tanks

uh, yeah... I  should probably apologise for that.

No worries. You do that sirens effect pretty well in my opinion...

I do lightings better

*strobisophic lighting fills the  room*

Hey, you should do discos!

Technochocolate...

Urgh! Darn that automatic log-out!

I can do disco lighting too.

*lighting switches*

Sorry, but thats a little to funky for my tastes.

<_< nothing is too funky for the Funkmaster.

Speaking of whom ... has anyone seen the guy around lately?

I think he left when life got too normal for him.

I blame OC for that.

A young man was pulled over by the Louisiana state police for speeding. The officer stepped out of his patrol car, adjusted his sunglasses, and swaggered up to the young man's window. "What chew driving so fast for son? You going to a fahr?. Let me see your license, boy."

The young man handed over his license. Then the officer noticed that the back seat of his car was full of large knives.

The officer said, "Tell me boy, why you got them knives on that there back seat?"

The young man replied, "Well sir, I'm a juggler."

The officer spat some tobacco juice and then he said, "A juggler; well you don't say. Boy, put cha hands on the trunk of yer car; you going to jail!"

The young man pleaded with the officer not to take him to jail. He offered to prove to the officer that he was a juggler by way of demonstration. He said, "You can even hold me at gunpoint while I juggle for you." The officer reluctantly allowed him to prove his point while he held him at gunpoint.

Two miles down the road at Joe's Tavern, Billy Bob was drinking it up with Homer T. Ratcliff. He soon left and got into his old, rusty pickup truck. He proceeded down the road trying his best to stay on the right side. Suddenly Billy Bob spotted the most unbelievable sight of his life! He drove to the nearest phone booth and dialed the number for Joe's Tavern and asked for his buddy, Homer T. Ratcliff. When Homer got on the phone Billy Bob said, "Whatever you do when you leave that tavern, don't go north on 442. The state police are giving a sobriety test that nobody can pass!!"

:lol: LOL :lol:  

That's funny.  :lol:  

Here's my favourite joke from the KQ9 forum.

I think this stories too long to post, so here's a link to it(to the story, not the KQ9 forum :P ).

Squirrel Encounter (http://www.access-programmers.co.uk/forums/archive/index.php/t-69541.html)

*Cough, Cough*
Phew, this topic got kind of dusty.
Hmm...lets see...jokes...
Umm...why did the... um. Chicken... cross the... er... road? :unsure:
Because... well...
(http://www.smbhq.com/nc/tele24.gif)
(http://www.smbhq.com/nc/tele25.gif)
(http://www.smbhq.com/nc/tele26.gif)


Leeeeets try that again. :blink:

Why did the chicken cross the road?
IT WAS TOO FAR TO FLY! :lol:

Thank you, thank you. *Bows*

I thought the chicked wanted to get to the otherside  :P  

that's why he was trying to fly over the road. :P

Here's one:
A man walked into a bar. He said ouch.

*stony glares*

Okay, how about this:
Two men walked into a bar. The first one I can understand, but the second one should have known better.

*Runs away under a hail of bad fruit*

:lol:   Haven't heard that one before.

Two guys walk into a bar...


...And trip over it. :P  

A man walked into a bar and ordered a drink. while he was waiting for the bartender to arrive with his drink, he listened to two men talking in a distinctive irish accent. As he listened, he was amazed at the similarities the two men shared, for every time one of them spoke of an accomplishment, the other man became surprised and affirmed having done the same. suddenly the bartender arrived with the man's drink, and said
"It's going to be a long night, the O'brian twins are drunk again."